Little Boy Asides

For years now, whenever I call to talk to my sister on the phone, there has been at least one little boy in the background. I have become adept at being able to tell when Kelsey is talking to me, and when she’s talking to the boys. (Sometimes it’s not always clear.) A year or so ago I decided to start keeping a list of my favorite Little Boy Asides, as I call them. Here is that list, interspersed with a few stories of the boys in question.

Keep in mind most of these comments were stated (or sometimes shouted) in the midst of a completely separate conversation, and that once the situation was addressed, the original conversation kept going - unless I got tickled by that particular aside and we ended up talking about that instead.

Little Boy Asides

You’re not supposed to be on the table.

Stop licking the phone.

Hm. Maybe you shouldn’t have done that.

Don’t beat on his head.

Don’t knock him over.

Night-night. Love you.

(Maniacal baby giggles.) You took your diaper off, didn’t you?

Get that off his head! It’s plastic! (Pause.) That’s plastic too!

Ethan Story (age 6)

“Mom, why didn’t you ask ME? I am an animal behaviorist. That means I study animal behaviors. I’ve always been one. I just haven’t always told anyone.”

More Asides

Maybe you could use a napkin instead of just shmearing the milk around with your hand.

What’s that in your mouth? Ew. Spit it out.

Seth, don’t spray the door. Walk away! Walk away!!

Caden Story (when he was just 2)

The morning after falling off of Ethan’s bike and getting a nasty cut just above his eye and scaring his mom to death. Found in the living room looking absolutely pathetic. Pointed to eye and said in a quavering voice, “Fall.” And “Bike.” Kelsey agreed and then had to point out that he was pointing at the wrong eye.

Two Ethan Stories (when he was 6)

Several days after playing his way through a doctor’s appointment, Kelsey realized he had actually heard everything that was said. When she said, “Ethan, I didn’t know you were listening,” Ethan replied, “Mom, I was in the same room. I can’t shut my ears. I’m not a meerkat.”

Ethan, in the bath, behind the shower curtain, didn’t hear Kelsey walk in. She said, “How’s it going, Ethan?” and he answered, (pause), “Well, aside from not having any privacy at all, I’m fine.”

More Asides

Quit shootin’ the cat with the water gun! Put it down. Walk away.

Stop squishing your fries with your elbows.

Don’t run over your brother with the horse.

GET OFF THAT TABLE. (Said in such an awful voice that I started looking around for a table to get off of.)

No, not the water – no, NOT the water – NO, NOT THE WATER DISH – He dumped all the water out of the water dish. Thanks, Seth!

You’re spraying me with water – MOVE!!

Caden, don’t spray Seth! He doesn’t like that.

Stop spraying me with cold water! STOP IT!

You just ran over your brother with a bike. Don’t do that.

Do the cat hokey-pokey in the other room! (This one may be my all-time favorite.)