Tuesday, July 1, 2008

A Dream Come True

And NOT in a good way.

Any of you out there completely freaked out by creepy-crawlies? Name your poison: ants, bugs of any stripe, spiders, worms, snakes, mice, etc.

All of those are my poison.

So have any of you had that dream, that – shudder – nightmare, the one where something icky is crawling on you and you can’t get it off?

That happened to me yesterday. I got on the T, sat down, opened my book, and proceeded to join the rest of the 70 people on the car in our game of mutually ignoring each other. (It’s actually more polite to ignore each other on the T in the morning than it is to try to be friendly. Striking up a conversation with a carload of Boston non-morning people is a MAJOR faux pas.)

As I looked down at my book I realized there was a beefy looking ant crawling around on the neckline of my blouse. Ew. Not a fire ant, thank goodness, but still. Not a welcome passenger. So I brushed it off and kept reading. About five minutes later – when I had truly forgotten the incident, how sad is that? – I was shocked to find the ant was STILL ON ME. Crawling around this time UNDER the neckline of my top.

What I wanted to do: jump to my feet, shrieking and swearing, throw everything in my lap onto the floor, jump up and down and shimmy, take off all bug-infested clothes and put on all new bug-free ones, shower, and proceed with my day.

What I had to do because I was on the T: bug my eyes out, not scream, try to find the little vermin without a) sticking my hand inside my clothes and b) alarming other passengers, try not to give in to the hysterical conviction that under my clothes my skin was literally crawling with a thousand bugs, try to resist the temptation to look inside my clothes for hives and bites and stings, and try to press down really hard on my clothes with my hands so if there were bugs in there they were now carcasses.

It was an exhausting 5 minutes of pure hysteria, let me tell you.

And for the guys across the aisle who watched the whole thing I’m sure it was one of their favorite morning floor shows ever.