Monday, May 14, 2007

LaLa Lexicon

Definitions of some words you might encounter if you hang out with me or read this blog:

Baa-a-ad stinky. Noun. A horrible smell, usually produced by cats or neefs, that drives all nosed beings away before it like an invading army. Bad-stinky requires immediate action. Prolonged exposure might lead to suffocation.

Beauty shop. Noun. That place where you get your hair cut. I know, I know. It’s a very 1960s word for it, but I’m from the South and that’s where my grandmother got her hair done and that’s still (sort of embarrassingly) where I get my hair done.

Biggo, also seen as big ol’. Adjective. Something literally big or else big as in ‘important’. Example: That woman got a big ol’ bouffant at the beauty shop.

Cat bagel. Noun. As any cat owner will tell you, this is that position when your cat seems to have origamied himself into a perfectly round limbless furry disc. No nose, tail, paws or toes to be seen.

Chocolate horizon, sometimes seen as ‘meal horizon.’ Noun. The view toward the next dose of chocolate, or the next meal. My chocolate horizon is famously short.

Goomerangs. Noun. Chocolate meringue cookies that are crunchy on the outside, gooey on the inside, and always make you come back for more.

Hair-do. Noun. How you wear your hair. See also ‘Beauty shop.’

Hangry. Adjective or state of mind. Description of how irrational, angry and short-tempered one can feel when one hasn’t been fed recently. A recent addition to the lexicon. See also ‘Unreasonable.’

Icky-shimmies. Noun. Involuntary shuddering reaction to things that make you go “Ew, Ew, EW.” Can either apply to something that is physically disgusting (Example: When you pick up a dog-food bowl and your hand accidentally but fully grasps a big ol’ slug) or to something socially inappropriate to a frightening degree (Example: The idiot in the crowd at a museum program about the Wampanoag Indians who interrupted the educator to say “Wampa-what?! Can I put ketchup on that?”). Classic example: When Angelina Jolie brought her brother as her date to the Oscars and then proceeded to treat him very publicly as her date, rather than as her brother. Ew.

Itty-bitty. Adjective. Very, very small. If you squeak your voice up to a high pitch when you say it, it means very, very, VERY small.

Mo-oo-o-om. Monologue. Cram 14 syllables into that 3 letter word and you can communicate a world of outrage, indignation, justification, pleading, yearning, self-deprecation, request, homesickness, amusement and childishness, all directed at your mother.

Neefs. Plural collective noun. Gender-neutral term referring to the children of one’s sibling. Much-needed short version of ‘niece and nephews’.

Smarmy. Adjective. Oozily pleasant to a gag-making degree; patently artificial sweetness of attitude.

Smash. Noun and sporting term. (Really.) When playing candle-pin bowling you get three tries to knock down ten pins. If you knock ‘em all down in one go, that’s a strike. If you do it in two, that’s a spare. They don’t have a word for knocking ‘em down in three turns, and that just seemed wrong. So I came up with ‘smash’: A three-bowl knock-down in small-ball bowling.

Sweet pea. Endearment. Usually said to loved ones when they are either a) in need of soft words of comfort, or b) acting like idiots and need to be made fun of in a sweetly sarcastic voice, just this side of smarmy.

Tacky. Adjective. See post for May 8, 2007.

Toe cleavage. Noun. When the lines between your toes, at the base of your toes, are visible above your shoe line. As with ordinary cleavage, there are acceptable and unacceptable amounts for public viewing.

Twee. Adjective. Too cutesy to live. Think Nermal.

Unreasonable. Adjective or state of mind. The traditional, even medieval, description of the short-tethered snit one gets into when one is feeling faint with hunger. I have, on occasion, been known as LaLa the Unreasonable. State is cured with food. See also ‘Hangry.’

Wallago. Adverb phrase. Texas version of something that happened ‘a while ago.’

Word-smith. Verb or noun. To invent a word because it is necessary and more evocative and appropriate than any currently existing words. For examples see ‘Neefs’ and also use of the word ‘origami’ as a verb in the definition of ‘Cat bagel.’


Jeana said...

Does your grandmother get her hair done by a "beauty operator"? Mine does.

holymama said...

a beuaty operator, jeana?! never heard of one of those!

fantastic lexicon. it does not, however, include all the big words you use that really ARE words and i just don't know them.

LaLa said...

Jeana, the family joke is that my grandmother used to get her hair done by "her blind hairdresser, Hazel." She told us she could 'fluff out the parts that Hazel missed.' She did too.

K, you've never heard of a beauty operator but you have your own personal eyebrowist?! Ahem.

chaybee said...

Ahh.. we down here in Texas miss being called "sweet pea" by our expat friend!

Just to let you know, there's another Runnels on the way, making her debut in August!