Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Not-So-Frigid Air

Okay, I don’t want to start panic in the hearts of all fridge-using citizens, but… I think we are in the midst of an epidemic. Based on the two actual incidents I am aware of, Frigidaire refrigerators ACROSS THE NATION are not actually cooling air to frigid temperatures any more. I don’t know if it’s an epidemic or an appliance strike, but since my milk has gone sour and my cheese is whiffier than usual, I have decided to take it personally. In fact, I’m taking it to the people:

People, Frigidaire refrigerators are craptastic frauds! They do not refrigerate! Revolt!!

Please excuse my language.

While I myself do not like to be cold, I do like certain things to be cold: milk, drinking water, hummus, leftover chicken, grapes, the pajamas I just tossed in the fridge. They all need to be cold. Regularly, reliably, ALWAYS cold. If it’s in the fridge, it should be cold. No question.

When I got home from vacation I discovered that while Boston – usually the nation’s frozen section – is sweating through visible and vile humidity, my refrigerator is letting its cold heart thaw. Naturally I did not discover this until after I had done my big post-vacation grocery shopping trip, so now I have a lot of fresh groceries that are wilting far more quickly than they should.

And this is happening mere days after my sister’s fridge also started acting all crazy and non-fridge-like. She’s in Texas and I’m in Boston but BOTH OF OUR REFRIGERATORS ARE FRIGIDAIRES. Coincidence? Ha. I think not.

My landlord did mention last night that this will be the second time he’s had to have this refrigerator looked at in 3 years. This was news to me. The most shocking part of that revelation was not that the fridge has a history of bad behavior, but that it’s only 3 years old. Given its old-fashioned appearance (old and dorky, but not enough to be considered ‘retro’ or ‘vintage-inspired’) I thought it was waaaaaaaay older than that.

If you have a Frigidaire and are also suffering non-fridge-like symptoms, please join in the paranoia. The only thing to distract us from our lukewarm beverages will be our conviction that we’ve discovered the latest conspiracy theory: our Frigidaires are out to get us.

Also, if you’re in the market for a new fridge, please avoid Frigidaires. I suspect they have a habit of not living up to their name.

No comments: