Saturday, April 19, 2008

Target on Ice

My local Target is about a 20 minute drive from my house. Last Saturday my friend MKA was in town, visiting from NY, and we got up early in the morning to go to Target. (For us, on a weekend, 'early' was 9 am.) So around 10 there we were, driving through my neighborhood on a day that was turning out to be gorgeous. It wasn't supposed to be. According to the weather forecast it was supposed to be cool, gray and rainy, as it had been for the previous 2 days. Instead it was bright blue, cloudless, warm and sunny. It was so gorgeous it was intoxicating.

As you turn into the shopping center that includes my local Target, the access road is lower than the Target parking lot for about half a block, until it rises to the same level at the point of entry. So as MKA drove up the access road and I turned my eyes to our destination I saw a dramatic sight: there in the distance was Target, rising from a broad misty plain. The water that had soaked into the parking lot over the past 2 days was burning off in the morning sun and it looked as if Target had a starring role in some sort of theatrical production that relied heavily on a fog machine.

I realized then and there I'd probably pay good money to see Target on Ice.

MKA pointed out that their ads are lots of fun and their songs are very catchy.

The opening number could go to that song that gets stuck in my head all the time. You know, it goes:

La. Ti-Da. Ti-DAA-A-AH! And I said La. Ti-Da. Ti-DAA-A-AH! (repeat over and over)

Here comes a roll of Bounty on skates, followed by some Iams cat foot and an Isaac Mizrahi sundress. Oo, nice salchow. Some Tide surges around the rink, pausing to twirl with Barbie and a nice array of wrapping paper. Some soft-cover bestsellers and a pair of shoes do a fancy lift.

The closing number would be that song “Hello, Good Buy” and all the products would dance around doing a Rockettes-style kick line just as the final show-off – a Wii – brings the house down with a couple of athletic flips and a quadruple lutz.


Now wouldn't that be better than watching Ariel or Nemo skate around for a couple of hours?

(Oh humor me. We thought it was hilarious.)

1 comment:

Whiskeymarie said...

I don't know why, but this post made me think of a short story by Sandra Tsing-Loh about going to see a Vegas show once called "Nudes on Ice".
Maybe "Target nudes on ice?"